A blog post from DR to Bali.
Two years ago I wrote this text: https://www.ivanapetersen.dk/post/will-i-remember .
Or, more accurately it wrote itself within my heart. It was a song I heard my soul singing for days and when I finally sat down, words just poured out of me and my fingers couldn’t type fast enough.
I am so glad I managed to capture my feelings and sensations back then as the continuation of this started to unfold in me couple of days ago.
My heart echos at this moment another song as the answer to the questions I asked back then: “I do remember”.
All of that I wrote about back in DR, I still remember: the salty feeling on my tanned skin, sand that drips from my hair, bird songs, wave crushing on the shore, people and laughter and my kids sparkle in their eyes living their best lives.
And oh, how my heart smiles now knowing that I don’t need just to remember, I am still here: in those emotions and sensations and joy of being me - here where I belong: in my heart.
I am glad that I wrote that text back in DR cause it was the first time that the remembrance of true freedom and pure meaning came captured in one. Everything there was new: it was the path that we will step onto not really sure where it will lead us.
Looking back, it was the fist moment of knowing what will be our future life: with purpose, with sense of belonging, with freedom, with connections and with endless amount of love, joy and gratitude.
I am sitting in the garden in Bali, while the long anticipated rain pours from above, it sings a new song in the most rhythmical expressions of pure being.
It is the sound I hear again and again. It smells like long lasted summers, like lazy sun and crickets. It sings both childhood notes and the early adulthood and this well known truth: when living the present moment you will always remember what it is.
And what is not, too.
We talk a lot about death lately. It comes and goes in the way life pushes you through some periods. Last year health situation and changes of our life style, the cohort about Reimagine Death I took with my friend and soul sister, and some recent occurrences, takes us gently hand in hand to face some of the deepest human fears.
Will I be remembered when I am not here anymore?
Now I know I will. It came to me recently that the meaningful life isn’t the one that leads to the greatest discoveries and big impact on the world, it is those subtile, gentle, loving acts of kindness you sprinkle on everything on your way and let them unfold in the hearts of those receiving them, like the rings on the water, your impact will move.
I live in the heart of those that know me, that were touched by me - shortly or again and again.
My purpose is great, every one of us have the same great purpose.
I am not scared of not being here one day. Not anymore. Last years have been most giving and most life changing - so many things to remember that my hands can’t even type down. But I do remember: the freedom I gained, our bond to each other, the peace in my heart when I lay down in the evening: if I die tomorrow, I would not have any regrets and I would die happy and fulfilled.
Getting here to this point wasn’t easy or straightforward. At the end I live my life like all others: with ups and downs and struggles and problems, big emotions and bad days. But I love it all now - it is what makes life life and what makes me human.
And I love being human in this life.
My husband said, in one of our conversations, that he is afraid if he dies what will happen with those he leaves. My father had the same fear. The fear of unknown is so hard to grasp in our mind, but in the core of our soul, there is a bigger truth we can sink in. The fact is, those who are left behind will experience pain and suffer. The grief is part of the life too.
14 years since my dad left this world and not one single day without missing him, but living my life to the fullest is what makes him live further in me too. His legacy, remembrance and imprint lives too and it will through my children too.
Life is so many different things but remembering who we are and who we love is what makes it special.
The rain is slowing down, I hear the sound of soil drinking it greedy after months of draught. It makes a whole other song: song after the rain and a deep stillness that opens up for an invitation to look inwards.
There is still wind in my hair, a smile on my face, I am getting older and often I miss more moments with those I love, but my life is beautiful in a way I will never be able to describe with my writings.
The only thing I will: is to remember to keep living it this way I do for what ever time I have.
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